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| March 6, 2011 - Roo and her Daddy |
And then there is this - at our most recent ultrasound we found out that the new baby's cord is "too straight" so that knocked the wind out of me and every day saps away any hope that tries to build up. Elizabeth's cord always checked out normal and it still failed her.
I feel like I am holding on to life and sanity by my fingernails. I have so few free moments right now - the end-of-quarter rush at school is exhausting. I do feel thankful that next quarter I don't have to teach, so I will be better-rested again, which does help. As much as anything can right now. Survival mode - I've been here before.
I know I can't say anything that will make you feel better or worry less, but I am keeping you in my thoughts and sending positive vibes your way. Big hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteThat straight cord sounds like a similar issue I always seem to have in my pregnancies. "Undercoiled" is what the Peri called mine. It was my fear the entire pregnancy, so I completely understand. But remember, babies are born everyday with long, short, overcoiled, undercoiled, twisted, wrapped around the neck 4 times... etc etc. It's not fair what happened to any of us. But hopefully the odds are stacked in our favor this go around.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and Elizabeth as her "date" approaches.
Not that anytime after losing your baby is "easy" but that 1 year mark is hard, especially the days leading up to it, knowing things shouldn't be this way.
ReplyDeleteAnd sorry to hear about your babies cord. You must be under so much stress right now and can see why you are so exhausted.
I'll be thinking about you through this difficult time.
Cale's cord got compressed around the time I went into early labor. I believe the further he got in the birth canal, the tighter (and more compressed) the cord got. It was wrapped around his neck, but what killed him was the compression from how wrapped up he was. Finley was born perfectly healthy, but with the cord around his neck.
ReplyDeleteI guess what I'm trying to say is that it's hard and shitty and there's always something to worry about and like Brandy said, I just hope/pray that the odds are in your favor this go around. Because she is right - every day babies are born with wonky cord issues, but they are totally fine.
I'm sure this week (and weekend) will be tough, but I hope you are able to feel some peace and a lot of love. Thanks for sharing pictures of your beautiful girl - I love her cheeks! Will be thinking of her lots.
Oh, S. My thoughts will be with you and B. in full this weekend. Thank for the beautiful picture of Roo.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you are not teaching next quarter. I do hope you have something to keep you busy--I'm full of ideas on how to lose a day resting, stimulating and mind-numbing ones.
This news must have been crushing to hear. It's a wonderful sign, though, that they're watching you so closely. Both my subsequent pregnancies have brought up new issues. Perhaps because we're being watched so much more closely. That said, does this news bring a plan? I wish I could bring you comfort.
Wow, I know how hard it is hearing news that can be viewed as less than positive. I've heard it all throughout this pregnancy. Wish I could give you some comforting advice, but all I do is take things day by day and keep an open eye and ask tons of questions. I know this news and the anniversary of E's death is a lot at once. Thinking of you and hoping things get easier.
ReplyDeleteOh the one year mark...nothing about that is easy. I am hoping that you can just get through it. I know I felt relief when it was over. Still miss our girls like crazy, but something about passing that date was really good for me. I know that doesn't help for now, for now just feel all the things you need to feel.
ReplyDeleteDoesn't it seem like OF COURSE there is something off (for you the cord, for me my son's possible kidney issue). Never anything wrong the first go around and look where we are. Another BLM told me maybe it's "good" to have something to be warned about because maybe then the outcome will be as it should aka alive healthy baby! None of it makes any sense and certainly isn't easy. Will be thinking about you!
That news is scary, I know, but it also doesn't mean anything in terms of the ultimate outcome. Hoping and praying that things will go well for you as your pregnancy progresses. I'm right there in the trenches with you, trying to take it one day at a time.
ReplyDeleteI love that pic, she had chubby beautiful cheeks.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts are with you this weekend.xo
Thinking of you this week. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteMy heart sank when I read about the cord - nothing puts more fear into me than cord issues, and no doubt, you're same. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. And I'm sorry about the shitty timing - you've enough on your plate with Elizabeth's anniversary coming up. Thinking of you, your sweet little pudgy cheeked girl and the one within xx
ReplyDeleteJust dropping by again to say I'm thinking of you, and hoping this anniversary weekend brings you some quiet time, and some comfort. Whatever you plan to do, it will be the right thing. I will find a time for quiet myself, will light a candle for Elizabeth, and think of her.
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