Remember me? From prenatal yoga and childbirth class? I know you're busy with your healthy nine-month-olds, but I'd appreciate a moment of your time. When someone loses a baby, it's appropriate to give a little more support than you have given. I know we were never BFFs, but we did share some intense stretching experiences, graphic videos, and frequent bathroom breaks. Yes, our friendships were based on sharing a common experience, and now that's out the window. Perhaps you are looking for friends that are a little less...bereaved. That's ok, I'm looking for friends who are a little less...clueless. I don't want much, but a quick check-in to say you're thinking of us would be awfully nice.
Even you, the one pregnancy friend who dropped in after Elizabeth's died but unfortunately said, in response to my comment that we weren't sure how long to wait until trying again, "I know - it was hard to figure out how long to wait to get a kitten after our cat died" - I'd even like to hear from you. I could tell from the look on your face that you were sorry about that comment as soon as it came out. It's ok. Infant death makes everyone awkward. And let's be honest - you and I are academics so we already had a head start on the awkward thing.
In the end, I don't really blame you all. The old Sonja might have acted just as you are. Hard to say.
Bitches! Well that is how I am feeling. All those blissfully happy women with their alive babies who can't find a word to say to you. THEY HAVE NO IDEA. Really I wish no one could ever know the pain of death of their baby...BUT who cares whether they know what to say or not....SAY SOMETHING! Bitches.
ReplyDeleteYep, pretty much - thanks :)
ReplyDeleteI have to laugh at the awkward academics thing--I'm right there with you. And I am so, so sorry about your sweet Elizabeth.
ReplyDeletePeople say the crappiest things, don't they?! Ugh, it just stings to even read that silly comment. Unfortunately, I think most of us get those at some point in our loss and grief journey.
ReplyDeleteAnd it does seem like a loss like this causes there to be such a chasm between you and the rest of the happy pregnancy people. For us, our daughter passed away before she was born...so I became a pregnant friend's worst nightmare. And I felt it. Painful and lonely.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful girl with us. Sending love and prayers.
I'm loving reading this and I hope you don't mind me commenting all over your blog. It's just very resonant with me.
ReplyDeleteI have a very BFF who is currently 37 weeks pregnant but who went through exactly what I have gone through lock step ahead of me by one pregnancy until she didn't and her pregnancy wen this far...
And I have not heard from her in her entire second half of her pregnancy. She's abandoned me. She probably doesn't want the negativity of what she went through affecting her baby or something, who knows?